unsaid things.

as i said my goodnight to him, tears started cascading down my cheeks.
"where is this coming from?" i asked myself.
memories flashed in my head; words he had said, smiles he had made.
maybe, indeed, i miss him. and it hurts that we aren't like how we used to.

you know that feeling?
so many words running through your mind, eager to burst out, and yet you don't think it's a good idea to express them anyway. so you just lock them in a box, and try to shove that box deep inside a corner of your mind.

i just want to say,
"i wish i can tell you everything on my mind right now. how i wished it was a different ending to our story. how i understand why we can't be together, but i hoped that you held on anyway. that i keep telling myself i don't think about you anymore, that i'm over you, and i actually believed that! and yet, here i am now, missing you so much. i just, really miss you, ya know?"

i remembered you telling me that you missed me, and yet apologised that you didn't think we'd be together. i didn't know how i kept that composure. shrugging those words away, not even keeping them in mind. unfortunately, it's my turn to feel that way.
maybe, it's just the late night talking. the lack of sleep is getting to my head and i'm feeling overly emotional.

so, it's time for bed, and i shall wake up feeling okay in the morning.
i'm going to smile at how stupid i had been to tear up for him today and resume to have a good day.

nights. xoxo.