Now I'll Never Know

The car came to a halt just outside my house. I couldn't stop thanking him as his left hand moved swiftly to shift the gear into 'park'. I knew; the only reason i did so was to stall time. I wanted to be with him just a little longer, even if it were only seconds. It was dark out, the streets empty with nothing to light it but the moon's pale shine. This was it, time to make my exit. I lingered a little longer, not wanting to leave just yet. Taking note of my body language, he told me i didn't have to. He wanted to grab something from my side of the car first. I turned to face him, and he shot me a look, eyes full of expression, of hidden sorrow. Gazing into his deep eyes, i knew he wanted to tell me something. Before he could even speak, or me asking what it was, i was sucked back into reality, eyes opening to a sun lit room.

LDRs

It's been a very long time since my last post, and reading it, i still remembered how devastated i was. How i'd cry for him every night. Ofcourse, it's been awhile now, and while i was missing, i've been looking for that happiness every step of the way. Almost two and a half years, here i am now. Finally over him, i think. 2.40am on a Wednesday, i sit here, patiently waiting for someone to come online so we could chat. That patience is wearing thin i must admit. Only because i feel stupid for waiting up. Anyone believes in LDRs? cause i never did before. Neither did i think an LDR would ever happen to me, but boom, here i am, liking this guy i only met for one day. He's 6 hours behind and it's almost impossible to find an appropriate time to converse. If anybody, just anybody, out there have an LDR, tell me bout it (: I guess, i'm done for now.

where emotions reign high

sometimes you wonder if you can do it? getting over someone you loved.
it shouldn't be so hard. stop thinking bout it and you'll be fine, but it's not that simple.

life's been pretty urghhhh for me. i just wanna rant here, where no one can see.
everything isn't going my way for me, infact it's been the opposite.
i try to seek happiness, heck, it's what i always wish for given the chance.

so i am kinda lost and confused.
relationships are a real pain. i want one, i dont want one.
sometimes you feel lonely, or just want someone you hold special to.
then again, i like being single. that freedom, that lightness you have.
no burden to weight you down, both mental and emotionally.

he is gone.
the one word that could really describe him to me is "drug".
he got me addicted, though i know he ain't good to me.
i can always find another one, the one who can treat me perhaps, better.

i cant think. i'll just stop here for now..

just another dream

Don't you just hate it when something u really want to happen happens, but onli to b realised later, that it was all but a dream. Yeah well, happens to me everytime.

* * *
I was crying, tears cascading down my cheeks. A lump was rising in my chest, making me breathe a little heavier. Without looking at him and having my eye gaze down to the floor, I said "I couldn't continue my daily life without you."

I looked up, to see his face. That face i remembered so well. He had a sad expression on, before he parted his lips, i already knew what he was gonna say.
"Me too.." he replied.

Without any further exchange of words, we got back together. There was no need for words at that point, it was understood. Perhaps, it was awkward to ask if we were back together too. But anyway, we finally reconciled. That was what i always wanted, before.

I think we hugged, and tears was obviously still trickling down my cheeks.
I promised him, that I won't get mad at him so easily anymore. I accept what he does or doesn't do.

Then, a girl asked him something, to which he rejected. Maybe an outing? I couldn't remember. I trotted off, just because I didn't wanna listen to their conversation. Thinking i was angry, he followed me out.

I was already on a black leather couch when he stood, towering over to my left and asked, "what's wrong?"
It was awfully nice of him to notice. But i just smiled and said "nuhting's wrong."

The End.

life?

U hate life, u love life.

U hate it for bringing you troubles and sadness. Being emo all the time, especially small things are NOT fun. But being sad is all in our heads really. It depends on how you look at things. And, i guess i look at certain stuff too seriously. Sorry but i cant help it D:

I remember loving life again after getting through all these sadness. It made me think how boring life would be if there wasnt ups and downs, joy and laughter, tears and sorrow.

Then later i was shrouded again by another dark sheet of gloominess which only torn me half apart since.. this issue wasnt as bad as my last one. tho it was. but i do not think much of it. wont let it get to me.

Learn.To.Love.Life. <3